hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
