My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
