please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
