i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize