So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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