we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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