I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
