paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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