omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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