Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
