Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
