We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
