brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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