There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
