I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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