Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
