How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
