we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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