so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
