He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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