Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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