JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
