Already got asked if we're dating
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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