Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
