HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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