I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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