She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize