Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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