I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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