i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
