I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm at about main and main street
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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