I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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