after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
