question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
