I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
