Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize