The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
