Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
