the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
