The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
