I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
