this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
