We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize