In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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