Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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