Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
