His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
