dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
