Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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