I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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