i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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