Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
