Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
