i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
