I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
