Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
