Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
