i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
