I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
