i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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