The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
