It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
