i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
