I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
