Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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