Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
