Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
