my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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