Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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