Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
