Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is this like a preordered booty call?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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