its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
