The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
