dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
