That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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