I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize