My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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