mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
