hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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