I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize