Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
