bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
