I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
