I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
