My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The best revenge is premature balding
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
