this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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