Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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