You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
