my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
