I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we're making bets on your personal life
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
