gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
