Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
