What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize