Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
