We named our party play list daddy issues
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
