I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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