And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
