found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
