I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
