How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
