Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
