Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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