based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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