Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
