And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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