it was like his penis was on wheels.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
