he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
