you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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