Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
