Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
