It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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