Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
